We all know that there is a lot of hearsay about sex after childbirth; that you can wave goodbye to your sex life and forever more expect your partner to be too tired or your children to run in mid coitus. Sex is an important part of a relationship and with some helpful hints and tips hopefully it will not be as much of a cobwebbed entity and more of an exciting and flouring one.
Sex in general is also a subject of much taboo and it really shouldn’t be! It is actually quite an important part of a relationship and provides the closeness that you really do crave, especially after having children; in the chaos of parenting jumble it can be easy to let your relationship slip.
The connection you feel when you make the time for sex can be vital for retaining that spark that is so easily forgotten when parenting takes over your lives and relationship; I have found the below tips really useful when facing the same issue and I know that others have too.
I have written about this before in ‘Back to Basics: The Importance of Investing Time in Your relationship After Childbirth’ about how necessary it is for you and your partner to retain that spark in your relationship and making time for you both as a couple.
We all make time for days out as a family or time for ourselves but do you also make time or your partner; do you spend quality time just the two of you?
Date Nights need to be prevalent through the struggles of parenting if only to remind ourselves of the reasons we are with that person and who we are as a couple. They are also a great mood enhancer for bringing your sex life to light!
Grab a babysitter and go out just the two of you; a lovely dressed up dinner, a night away in a hotel (a weekend if you are feeling adventurous!), a cinema date or even just a drink in your local bar/pub!
I personally find that most complaints of sexless relationships are because it all becomes a bit mundane and predicable; stale, of a better word.
Letting yourself become taken in the moment (…quite literally) can be exhilarating! I also know that your partner will be taken off guard instead of the usual ‘we go to bed… we cuddle… we have sex’ routine. Planning your sex life and letting it slip into a routine is totally not sexy!
Get sexy when he or she is least expecting it (you know your partner best though so obviously don’t chose a moment when you may ultimately be rejected if they are busy… that is never good for anyones sexual confidence!)
Get creative with space
Again, as with above, sex can become a little stale if the only place it happens is the bed. Note that i did not say ‘bedroom’, as there are more places than just the bed to get sexy my friends!
It can also be quite difficult with little ones to quietly and discreetly have sex in your own bedroom if they either sleep in a room next to yours or in fact you co-sleep.
So get creative with your space people!
Oh yes… if you are taking the spontaneity thing in full force then who knows where you may end up!
Freshen up your sexual wardrobe
Ok so dressing up for your man or woman may not be your cup of tea and I’m not talking full on outfits from Ann Summers (although fair one if your up for!) but hands up who still owns and most likely wears their maternity or nursing bras huh ladies?!
That is not going to make you feel attractive…
Simply going out (or online) and grabbing yourself a special new set of underwear can spark sexual feeling in your partner… and you for that matter! Who doesn’t feel sexy in a new babydoll or bra and french knickers?!
Again… if not your thing then that is absolutely fine! I can generalise here…
Trying new things can be exciting AND bring you closer to your spouse but exploring new ideas in your sexual lives together.
When sexual relationships become stale after having children try and mix it up a little by introducing new items into your sexual agenda and see what happens!
Even if you don’t like it then at least you have experimented with your partner and that alone can spark a closeness sexually.
As mentioned, parenting can have its highs and lows and the lows most of the time consist of crippling sleep deprivation, stress and exhaustion. Sex is probably the last thing that you want to think about embarking on when you feel this low so be understanding that your partner may not want to have sex and don’t feel that this is a reflection of your efforts or appearance in any way as rejection can be hurtful.
Accepting that the frequency of sexual intimacy will be lowered in comparison to before you became a family is sometimes hard but knowing that, honestly, this is totally normal!
Sexual pressure can be just as crippling as sleep deprivation and exhaustion so try not to make it feel like sex has become almost a chore; loosening the expectation can really help to relax the mood setting for sex and increase the chances of it happening naturally, not because you feel you have to.
Have you found these tips useful? Do you know anyone that could benefit from you sharing this advice? Do you have any tips you would like to share?