I don’t know about you but I have found that after bringing my little man into the world I can become far more easily riled than my pre-baby, happy-go-lucky self. I have put this down to simply having more on my plate, or putting more on my plate, but are we making far more work for ourselves as mothers and creating unnecessary stress by placing the ideals of ourselves far too high?
Do we need to learn to occasionally ‘let go’?
I was always determined to return to work and retain my independence financially; I have also always attempted to retain my self identity and couple identity by spending time away from the house, gigs, date nights, girls nights etc. As I have mentioned before, I am also quite guilty of trying too hard to make every public holiday, birthday etc super special by making and organising everything for it myself; thoughtful and cutesie yes, but every time I put something extra on my list of things to craft or draw or bake I create more tension in my household as I attempt to stretch my already depleting day to day time schedule to fit it all in.
As mothers, and fathers too for that matter, we have a lot to get done on a day to day basis before even thinking about trying to fit in any extra social or hobby related activities (I mused on how little ‘time’ we have as parents here) I mean I haven’t even mentioned all of the mundane day to day tasks that just flow and ebb around all of the above extra things; Housework (I was assuming that is a given) Work (I work full time, and lets be honest looking after a child is actually a paid job too so lets count stay at home/homeschool mommies as workers too) Exercise (personally I work out from home but I know there are lots of rockin’ mamas that gym it up or attend classes)
So you get the overall picture I’m trying to paint here, we have a lot to juggle. What have I learnt?
Let it go.
I think the majority of the stress I deal with is stress I put on myself by trying to reach this level for myself that only I know about. No one else knew that I had far more planned to decorate my sons recent Birthday Party and some of the baked times went terrible wrong ending up in the bin the night before. No one noticed the questionable hemming and overhang of the ten tablecloths that I offered to make for my friends wedding last weekend. No one knows that I had attempted to make my garden to look Chelsea Flower Show worthy before I had that BBQ a few weeks ago and that there were numerous bags of garden waste hidden in our shed.
My partner often says to me, “Why do you do it to yourself, don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine”
“It’ll be fine”
Now this phrase is my biggest pet hate, or was. It would just grate on me, similar to the effects of fingernails running down a chalkboard. However I am beginning to learn the usefulness of such a phrase just as much as my partner is learning the trouble with it. For you dear, yes it will be fine, as I am the one that makes it all fine by stressing about everything being awesome. I think though, as much as it is amazing to do as much as we are doing as parents to make our and our children lives rich with culture, craft, all things homemade and making sure you go out and about child free, there is a time when its either “let it go’ or suffer a migraine.
So I have decided that during stressful times I am now having one ‘Let it go moment’ per day. I am going to are myself from the strain and tension stress creates in my household by just not sweating the small stuff; its not worth it at the end of the day. My own rockin’ mama actually asks me now when she speaks to me what my ‘let it go moment’ has been that day. It is usually housework related, but after my sons Birthday Party there were a few things that I had planned to bake that did not go to plan at all (lets just say that the ‘arrow cake pops’ for his Tribal/Native American theme Party ended up in the bin) and I was pretty miffed as had spent quite a lot of time/money on ingredients etc B U T I quite calmly looked at the bigger picture and figured there was plenty of food, no one knew I was planning on making them anyway, so I just let it go. Done.
It is sometimes hard to remain in that mindset and not let little things stress you out when our trying to juggle motherhood, family, friends, relationships, hobbies, exercise and work, but it is so relieving when you do.
What ‘let it go moment’ have you had recently? Are you guilty of putting too much on your plate as a rocking’ mama?
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